Sam and Fred

Sam: I’m minding the dealership on that day.

Fred: .

Sam: I’m drinking coke at the back of the dealership on that day.

Fred: .

Sam: Mum says I have to be there. I really want to help out. I should help.

Fred: .

Sam: The motorbike is going to need petrol and I’ve almost finished fixing it up.

Fred: So are you coming?

Sam: .

Fred: Sally Michaels said she’s keen.

Sam: Says who?

Fred: Cass’ friend erm then and she was- you know.

Sam: How many?

Fred: Five.

Sam: It went through five people’s ears and then to you?

Fred: Maths has never been a thing maybe it was less…

Sam: More like maybe it was more.

Fred: But you have to come.

Sam: I told you I’m busy.

Fred: And after you’re done at the shop.

Sam: I have to…

Fred: Righto. But did you tell your parents yet?

Sam: .

Fred: The boxes aren’t a give away? Com’ on mate?

Sam: .

Fred: Are you going to tell anyone else?

Sam: .

Fred: Not even your family then? Not your brother Alex?

Sam: .

Fred: Did you buy the shovel?

Sam: .

Fred: The wire?

Sam: .

Fred: You bought the seeds didn’t you?

Sam: .

Fred: Damn it Sam tell me at least you didn’t buy the gnomes? I need to hear you say it.

Sam: .

Fred: Look, it’s crisp what you’re up to, but sooner or later it’s going to be showing.

Sam: I don’t know.

Fred: It’s a bit late for that. Listen, it’s a little on the organic side, couldn’t you have made it, I don’t know, differently?

Sam: It just sort of happened that way.

Fred: Mate, it’s who you are, you have to accept that it probably won’t change.

Sam: You’re right. I know you are, you’re absolutely … I can’t do it.

Fred: Sure you can, just show your parents and be like; “Ya see that, I grew that and if you want to see it grow up then you’d better deal with it.”

Sam: And then what?

Fred: You eat it. No other use for a pineapple I reckon – though we could probably Google a couple of options.

Sam: .

Fred: You just have to come out and say it; “Mum, Dad, I’m a gardener. Fruits, veggies, lavender, that’s the shit I’m into.”

Sam: I don’t know…

Fred: Your barking up the wrong tree if you think I’m gonna do it.

Sam: .

Fred: Fine. But after we’re going to the party and you know what, you’re wing-maning me on Sally.

Sam: Sally?

Fred: Do you have eyes? You need to stop sniffing around dirt mate.

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