A Hundred Times No

There on the brink of a cliff he said he loved me. And that he was a vampire. I laughed for two reasons.

  1. He was like a human mosquito and I didn’t have Aerogard on me.

  1. What a choice of venue, like couldn’t he have told me at home? Did we need to be standing on a cliff-face for this?

He seemed confused. I was surprised he was so serious at a time like this. This was hilarious! As you would expect I couldn’t stop my laughter, and it started to become a bit nervous…

He picked me up and tossed me off the cliff.

And then he jumped off it too. So I mean I’m just falling to my death, waiting for this bastard to sparkle or at the very least have the decency to grow a pair of wings.

He said to me he wanted to show me what I’m in for if I pursue a relationship with him. Here I thought the worse outcome would be being his dinner, but yet again the world has proven me wrong, falling down a cliff proves to be much, much worse. Yay. We get towards the bottom. I won’t bore you with visions of my dreams rushing through my mind or family members faces, if I’m honest, I had zero inspiring last thoughts except one very intelligent one, that all my years of schooling has amounted to, that proves my cleverness: I think to myself: shit the ground looks hard.

He catches me at the base.

There are so many ways one can say don’t touch me, so many languages, so many attack moves but I used none, I couldn’t speak. When I could I calmly let him lower me out of his arms, looked at him squarely, I was even smiling, look how decent I was for five seconds before I vomited over his pretty pretty face. And I would do it again, it was not embarrassing and I can definitely say I felt a lot better afterwards.

He never asked for my reply.

~Written by Stephanie Kentepozidis



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